Sunday, March 9, 2014

let not your heart be troubled ♥

my baby, aka the fetus in this picture is turning FIVE this week!
seriously! five?
it's like two seconds ago and yet, ya can't quite possibly imagine life before her either.
oh, how i love my energetic, creative, hilarious, sweet olivia.
she's always been a reminder of hope to me.

she goes to kinder in the fall.
she'll catch the bus across the street around 7am
& i'll have my days to do things i don't manage to get done now.
like, clean my house, for example.
respond to emails. go to the gym before jimmy fallon is on. hear myself think.
you know, those things.

peeps ask,
"what will you do with yourself?!"
"will you go back to school?"
"work more hours?"

or they'll tell me,
"time for another!"

truth is, i have no idea how to respond.
i run the gamut of being super stressed out about my lack of a ten year/ten month/ten day plan,
and also kinda loving the delicious ambiguity of it all.
{depends on the moment}

sometimes it's hard to know what is best or possible or worth risking for.
sometimes i can't decide what my dreams are.
sometimes you don't have all that much control, and it's hard. 
sometimes prayers are answered in weird ways, and it's only in hindsight that you view them as a kind mercy/blessing.
sometimes decisions are deeply personal.
sometimes it's hard to know what to pray for.

one of my very in tune young women at church unknowingly inspired me today.
she reminded me that life is about submitting our will to god.
putting our trust in christ... always remembering that he has thought all my thoughts, felt all my feelings.
"he knows my fears, and my frustrations - and what i can become through faith in him."
i am humbled. 
he is my perfect example. ♥

"Christ knows better than all others that the trials of life can be very deep and we are not shallow people if we struggle with them...No one’s eyes were more penetrating than His, and much of what He saw pierced His heart. Surely His ears heard every cry of distress, every sound of want and despair. To a degree far more than we will ever understand, He was “a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.” Indeed, to the layman in the streets of Judea, Christ’s career must have seemed a failure, a tragedy, a good man totally overwhelmed by the evils surrounding Him and the misdeeds of others. He was misunderstood or misrepresented, even hated from the beginning. No matter what He said or did, His statements were twisted, His actions suspected, His motives impugned. In the entire history of the world no one has ever loved so purely or served so selflessly—and been treated so diabolically for His effort. Yet nothing could break His faith in His Father’s plan or His Father’s promises. Even in those darkest hours at Gethsemane and Calvary, He pressed on, continuing to trust in the very God whom He momentarily feared had forsaken Him. Because Christ’s eyes were unfailingly fixed on the future, He could endure all that was required of Him, suffer as no man can suffer except it be “unto death,” as King Benjamin said, look upon the wreckage of individual lives and the promises of ancient Israel lying in ruins around Him and still say then and now, “Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." -Jeffrey R. Holland   

Monday, December 30, 2013

2014 // HOPE

my sweet, tenderhearted chloe broke down in tears today.
turns out, she doesn't want the new year to come, "she likes being 7 & the time just moves too fast!"
bless her little heart. a very large part of me wishes her to stay 7 forever, too.

i tried to comfort her with...."oh honey, life just keeps getting better and better as you grow!"
but, hi, yikes! i sort of felt like i was lying.
does it? haha, being 7 is kinda, way rad.

but i guess i wasn't lying. 
life IS getting better and better.
i feel like every 365-day trip around the sun, i peel back a little layer of the onion of life.
i learn a little more.
i let go of things that aren't important.
my body ages, my soul grows.
and even though i seemingly move at turtle speed, i AM moving, in what i feel is a good direction.

i want 2014 to be a year of cultivating HOPE. 
less anxiety, more hope.
"be of good cheer, the future is as bright as your faith" as my motto.

"hope is not knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the lord will fulfill his promises to is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. {hope} is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance." -uchtdorf

my vision for the new year, is creating a daily life that is filled with more simple, hopeful endeavors in the following areas...
♥ devoting time to my relationship with christ
♥ practicing legit self-care
♥ serving and connecting with my family

i know that every good thing i have comes from a kind, merciful creator, who loves me.
my hope is in him.
may he bless me [& you, my lovely friends!] as we journey 2014. ♥

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Wanna-be Happy Thinker

The name of this blog kinda cracks me up.
'Cause in all honesty,
I kinda identify more with being a pessimist than an optimist.
A sarcastic, let's-make-this-crappy-situation-hilarious pessimist, but alas...a pessimist.
However, the wanna-be eternal optimist in me is uncomfortable with the word "pessimist."
Seems kinda harsh.
...because progress and change can be made every day, right?
I never did like a label.

Let's just say,
When my glass is oftentimes running on empty,
I have to make a conscious decision to fill 'er on up.

Think happy!
It's an invitation, I truly have to make to my mind {sometimes several times a day}...when it thinks silly things like...
"But what if?!" <Insert catastrophic situation>
"Why me?!" <Still learning the ever-annoying, life's not fair lesson>
"We're all going to die?!" <Actually, I blame that one on "The Walking Dead">
"I am never/always going to..."
"I can't..."
"I'm not enough..."

Living in that distorted thinking - "If I can think/create a horrible enough thought/situation, then when actual disappointment does come....I will be prepared/protected" is just the most exhausting way to live. {Trust me, I've lived in that zipcode a time or two million} and....It's just not the truth. I consider it a defense mechanism, but FEAR doesn't defend me from disappointment. Disappointment comes, and it hurts no matter what. Might as well {think happy} in the meantime, control what i can...and give the rest to Jesus. Can I get an amen?

I originally sat down to write a Thanksgiving post. As I thought about my many {unable to even number!} blessings, I felt intense guilt wash over me. How could someone as blessed as me, be so ungrateful??? I live in comfortable circumstances, in a free land, I have delicious food to eat & WIFI capabilities! I thought about my car that I've been complaining about all week, that has been sporting a ghetto-fab garbage-bag-covered window in the rain. I thought about my beautiful, healthy family, that sometimes gets what's left of me, after I give my limited energies to other things. I thought about how ungrateful and self centered I can tend to act...wah, wah, wahhhhh....

Oh, pessimism.
It's not fun.
But it is a choice.

Thinking happy is a choice of true gratitude.
Being grateful, being present, just being.
Softening the judgements I put on myself and others.
Taking a breath, a break, a nap, or a hiatus.
Holding myself to a standard of grace, not perfection.
Enjoying the "delicious ambiguity" of the journey.
Healthy self-love and setting healthy boundaries with others.
Putting my head down, and going to work.

Yep, thinking happy is WORK for me.
But it's good, rewarding, soul work.
And I look forward to the eventual day when it comes a bit more natural.

Until then, I'll just keep on tryin' and be ever-grateful that I have a husband who is prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse. ;)

Monday, October 21, 2013

well hello there, little blog

posts are few and far between this year, but i still love this little space on the www, that i can share life's happenings. and these posts get emailed to my cute grandma in utah, who coincidentally is one of my favorite people ever. hi GRANDMA! ♥

one thing super fun & out of the ordinary, was a recent trip to the land of lands - disney!
we went along with myron's mom's side.
it was full of happy & such a relaxing, rejuvenating trip for grateful to those generous souls who made it happen.
'cause who can be in a bad mood at disneyland?
not i.

this little picture has my heart.
i believe these little girls chose me for a mom & i chose them before we came here to earth.
we are teaching each other.
it's a rough road sometimes.
but i humbly thank the lord for's a blessed one.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

things have a way of working out

today was a wonderful day.
ordinary, but wonderful.

celebrating a small victory &
getting to spend time with my beautiful mama.
{she always fills my cup}

my wise mother is such a support to me. 
she'll encourage me, "things have a way of working out."

they do.
i need to believe it, even when things get hard...

truly i probably wouldn't have survived september thus far hadn't it been for my workhorse husband, our families & my hilarious friends who make me laugh on the daily. {and maybe that's being a little bit dramatic....but my dramatics might be part of the problem, okay?}

i'll consider this post my note to self for next time i have a tough time:
yo angie, things have a way of working out.

...and new tv starts this week, so there's that. ;)
{raise the roof}

Sunday, September 15, 2013


Let's just have a moment of silence for how cute this picture is.
Oh, I miss those days.
I miss my babies.

Chloe's ringlets have softened into long wavy locks. She will be 8 this spring! How is that even possible?

Liv's now learning songs & letters...and her adorable jibberish baby language is but a distant memory.
...but not too distant...I can still kinda hear it. It was was my fave. 

I am working on being more present with them.
...striving to appreciate the NOW & not being so concerned & preoccupied about what once was, or {especially} what might happen tomorrow.

It's devastatingly hard for me sometimes - to not worry,
but I'm grateful for the challenge.
I get off track, I have bad days among the good ones...
but this picture reminded me that time passes, time heals, time brings growth,
growth brings beauty.

Today is a gift.  ♥

Friday, August 9, 2013

peace out summer

nothing like the beginning of a new school year to get y'all up & reminiscing about how fleeting the moments are. "the days are long, but the years are short." yeps. true statement. we had a wonderful summer. of course it had it's moments where i wanted to get the heck outta dodge & move to the north pole & threaten to pull all my hair out if i ever heard the phrase "i'm bored" again...but, despite the wicked heat and random whining, it was a couple months filled with good memories & sunsplashing & family reunions & much needed r&r. <<<that being said>>> very grateful to be back in a routine. my kids like structure & i'm happier when they're happier.

 the chlomister started 2nd grade, people! can't believe it! liv is in preschool this year too!
if you're wonderin' about chloe's mystery black eye, good question.
 it was livy, in the master bedroom, with a package of goggles.  
it was a semi-accident & a very sad day. ):
chloe says she's half-panda now though, so she's cool with it. 

oh, motherhood. 
i repeat. "the days are long, but the years are short."
so grateful for it all.