Tuesday, February 5, 2013

no comment

when i created my new blog, i was feeling bored.
i was ready to break out of the mold of angieinpinkness.
i was feeling embarrassed for all of the information i had released into the world for anyone to read and see.
i was wanting to not be so open-book.
i wasn't ashamed of anything at all :: just kinda learning that i can CHOOSE what i keep sacred.
i can choose who i am vulnerable with.
i wanted my new blog to be more lighthearted.

i planned to make my old blog private. 
i closed my comments for several reasons,
the greatest being - i was worried that i was putting too much emphasis on other peoples reactions/opinions of my life....good or bad.
{and of course, at the same time, worried that people would think i was a brat for closing my comments.} 
but, i wanted to share without having to feel validated.
i have a tendency to read into things & put thoughts in others' minds.
***this is why i struggle with social media.
i found myself needing to be alone with my ideas, if that even makes sense.
and now, a few months later...i read back to old posts, and realize:
i'm still angieinpink, {even though i think my favorite color is aqua now}
i'm the same girl i was when i started blogging 6 years ago
& a completely different girl than i was 6 years ago...
all wrapped up in a complicated, loving, sarcastic, creative, imperfect shell.

i've learned a lot. i've come a long way.
i also still deal with some of the same demons i did back then,
and a few new ones. 
i feel so much stronger, and less fragile than i was...
and yet some days i feel like my intense sensitivity is a piece of my soul that will forever be a part of me.

writing out my stories has always been cathartic for me
& i'm not going to let fear of vulnerability burst that bubble.

so, i invite you to comment, or not. :)
thanks for listening or just dropping in.

i'm so grateful for the support system i have in my life that has been there for me during all these different seasons of self-discovery. mostly i am grateful to a kind, loving heavenly father, who's hand i acknowledge in all my greatest blessings and learning experiences. ♥


Katie Fuller said...

More than once, I've considered closing comments, only so I won't feel bad that no one said anything... but the truth is that I write for myself. It's cathartic for me, too. It helps me feel at peace with how things are and on many many occasions in my life I have found myself looking over old entries and feeling surprised and humbled to learn that I already knew an answer I'd been searching for. Sometimes, though, those answers I'm seeking have come from you - so I'm terribly glad you write too... comments available or not. :)

heather said...

Angie, I absolutely love you and your blog. If you knew the inspiration you are to anyone who is lucky enough to read what you have to say... Someday I think God will show you the ripple effect you've created and I think you will 'Stand All Amazed.' In some ways I think of blogging as a life calling. I really do. Women need each other, and we need to know that we are not alone in our earthly plights.

Your sensitivity is God-given. It allows you to serve Him in a way that only you can. Being willing to, having the courage to share your vulnerability is part of that marvelous ripple effect.

You give yourself permission and that will give others permission and there is something extraordinary in that. There is healing in that.

You. Are. Amazing.

Thank you for sharing your Angieness with us. Your life with us.

Durfee Family said...

Y.O.U. are amazing. and I agree with everything said by the girls above! They said it well. Just keep being you!

Jenny Johnson said...

Yeah!!!!! I loved being able to comment on your daily inspirations, but I understand the need to step away!

Bev said...

I've missed leaving little ♥ notes on your blog, but I understand completely why you blocked them, too. Glad we can communicate a little bit again....blog style, because every day I read your blog I feel like we've had a little visit!

brittany t said...

Hi ang! happy to be able to leave u a comment, but still when you had them closed, happy to read whatever you wrote about however you felt! I haven't blogged in two weeks! I was dreading it..filled w/feelings of it's not about them, it's about you and your life, and i felt i was writing more for my "audience" rather than just journaling/writing whatever i wanted..i also have just been running thin and not having time to do everything i want..it's ok, God is telling me,rest, do a little at a time and come to me for strength and re-energizing! :) Love u!!

Shyrl said...

You are such an inspiration to me, you make me smile. Anytime I am feeling overwhelmed I know I can come to your blog and you will put that smile back on my face. Your inspirations are my inspirations.

Miss you lots