vunerability

an oldie but a goodie.
i know i've posted that quote more than once,
but it bears repeating.

i've had a theraputic few weeks.
been doing some reading, playing, relaxing.
working in the yard. {my happy place}
pondering. [not much on the schedule lately]
trying to appreciate and recognize my blessings. [i have lots]

i had an epiphany the other day in the garden - that most of my worries in life aren't about my main trials or my friends'/family's main trials. i worry about those too...but i take great security in the fact that the lord is guiding my life & it will all be okay in the end. i know that heavenly father will never forsake his children.

most of my worries in life are surrounded by the fear of how others perceive my motives, my actions, my words, my choices. *how silly is that?

hypothetical-ish example. if i had a money problem. i have faith that the lord will help me through the money problem and that all will be okay. i'm cool and at peace with the money problem. but i worry/obesses about whether people think i'm handling it right...is this the responsible thing to do? what would dave ramsey think? why the heck do i even care what dave ramsey thinks?!? and the truth is: i will never really know what dave ramsey thinks. worrying about how others perceive me, is a battle i will never win.

i truly don't care if people think i'm cool. if i cared about being a cool kid, i wouldn't do half the things i do.

i worry most about people understanding my true heart & intentions.
my greatest vunerability is the fear of being misunderstood.
call it pride, or call it crazy...it's something i've continually dealt with my whole adult life.

it's important for me to remind myself:
i have NO CONTROL over how other's percieve me.
i need to write that out a million times on a chalkboard bart simpson-style. 

we ALL make mistakes & perhaps i need to cut myself as much slack as i cut other people.

we are ALL different & that is what makes the world a beautiful, interesting place to be.

the lord's got it. he's in charge. he loves me unconditionally & understands me completely. my faith is in him & his beautiful plan of happiness...which i know has a place of glory for everyone who lives. he is my security. i know that any trial, health problem, financial worry, loss or disconnection i face will be made right through the enabling & healing power of christ's atonement. 

and i also know that his atonement reaches my greatest vunerablity: people. learning how to give and recieve empathy is a lesson i'm truly humbled by in life. i am grateful for the opportunity to sort through the eb & flow & experiences that come. with each challenge, i am stronger to face the next.